…I f#$king hate bedtime!


I wish I was writing this from a place of quiet reflection after battling with a little ball of utter frustration but I’m just not there yet. Not even close and I need to vent! 

I’m sure it isn’t just me but my kid is broken! 11 weeks…sleeping through the night and yeah, I’ll admit, I was feeling pretty pleased with myself. Didn’t have to do anything, he just did it. Now…like I said, he’s broken and I’ve lost the receipt!

Husband’s advice, ‘chill the f$*k out’. Good advice. You know why he’s taking an hour to go to sleep. Because he’s not tired. He’s not ready. So what? We relax together until he is. You know why my patience tank is empty by bedtime. Because I’ve been totally ignoring the swarm of philosophical and self-care mantras that fill my, ironically named, ‘things to remember’ Pinterest board. 

Instagramming and feeling Zen for 5 minutes does not a balanced person make! 

Sometimes, being a mum is like water torture for the soul. (Have I already said that, feel like I have!) It’s like an inconsistently dripping tap. Someone randomly clicking a pen. In the end, even the strongest break. 

……..

Ha…I wrote this last week and then got distracted and didn’t post it. Funny thing, just had another night like this and have I learnt my lesson? Nope! Still just spent an hour trying to put him to bed. The battle of wills played out again and, fair enough, he’s eventually asleep but is anyone a winner? 

I just opened Pinterest and searched ‘toddler sleep’ and a million and one articles popped up, helpfully informing me the mistakes I’ve made that cause him not to take himself off to bed or advising me to let him ‘cry it out’. I can’t let him cry (at anytime) so that’s a no go and he’s 16 months…is he really going to take himself off to bed? ‘Oh, look at the time, I must be off now. Good night’. Haha! 

Why do I feel this ridiculous pressure all the time to have him asleep by a certain time, regardless of the situation! There’s always that little voice of the ‘they’ in my ear, questioning my every choice, but it’s me putting the pressure on. Those judging eyes are my own and I need to back the f$*k off!
So let’s just accept it…I’m going to dread bedtime, probably for a long time. Although, I will try to steal those few snuggly moments, the kisses he covers my face with as he finally calms down, the to-die-for way he tucks his teddies up in their bed and remember it’s not all bad. 

And anyway, it’s over…for now 😉

*Image courtesy of @fromthebottomofmypurse  via Pinterest*

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