…we needed to be ‘us’ again.

It’s 9am…

There’s no noise…

There’s no one wanting my attention…

I’m still in bed…

It’s bliss!!!

We finally did it…we let the Little Man sleep out…my God why didn’t we do it sooner?! 

Well, I know why. We weren’t ready to do it. To face up that he might cry for us and us not be there. That he would be confused and scared. 

But…

After the 2 weeks we just had, we couldn’t get rid of him fast enough. We love him beyond measure but we needed some sleep! 

We also needed to be ‘us’ again. Pre-baby ‘us’. Selfish, lazy morning, brunch eating, going out for dinner and drinking to much wine ‘us’. I’ve felt guilty about wanting this. ‘You’re a mum now, do you not love him enough to sacrifice that?’ ‘Why do you want to be free of him?’ I’ve realised though, that it isn’t about that actually. It’s about that self-care again. 

                         It isn’t a dirty word! 

The same as everyone needs that ‘something’ to relax. To disappear and recharge. Wanting to NOT be a mum for a while, I now understand, doesn’t mean you don’t want to be their mum. 

So, we are going to go out for brunch. We will talk about anything or nothing. We will enjoy the peace together and relish in that time off. Then we will pick up our boy and we will have missed the very bones of him.  The chaos will reign again but we will be refreshed. We will be ready because we have taken the time to put ourselves first, so that we can be the mum and dad he deserves. 
(Image found at: http://selfcarezine.tumblr.com)

…distance means nothing

Distance means nothing

Today is National Best Friend day in the UK. I woke to a beautiful Instagram post from my little sister. I’d not even had my 1st brew of the day and I was already feeling super sentimental! We are lucky in that we’ve always been close and I can honestly say that she is my best friend. She drives me insane sometimes, is crazier than a box of frogs and wears far too many stripes for my liking but she is also fierce. What’s that quote, ‘she may be small but she is fierce’? That’s my little sister. The right kind fierce though. The kind that means she is loyal, determined, honest, will always have your back and loves with all she has. All things that, I hope, my Little Man will learn from her.

That’s what makes it so hard. Why a post like the one this morning just tips me over the emotional edge. Living, literally, on the other side of the world makes those posts and moments all the more meaningful. Sure, we Skype all the time. But nothing can compare to just nipping down the road for a brew or hanging out at Gordon Riggs, putting the world to rights over a creamy choc in a crappy plastic cup.

I miss my sister. (Before I get angry messages from the rest of you, I miss you all too) I miss her more though now because she’s getting married and I should be there for her. I should be making lists with her, helping her pick her flowers and holding her bags at a million wedding fairs. Being a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen to the dramas that go hand in hand with weddings!

One day, they will invent air travel so fast that I can hop over on the weekend. I will  not have to wake up at 3.30am to Skype a wedding dress appointment but thank god that I can! Without the internet, I can’t imagine how had this would be!  Until then though, I will Skype, I will whatsapp every inane thought that comes into my head and I will become over emotional at every heart-felt Instagram/Pintrest/Facebook quote. I do this, like so many other people living away from their families, because really distance means nothing.

She is, and always will be, my baby sister and I love her.

 

…I’m done being an adult !

   I’m done. Being an adult sucks and I don’t                          want to do it anymore! 

When you are young, you can’t wait to grow up. Then you get there and all you want it to climb back under the covers in some sort of teenage regression! 

I want to lie in bed pretending I can’t hear the vac so I don’t have to help my mum (sorry mum). I want to leave my laundry all over the floor and have it miraculously reappear in my wardrobe, clean and ironed. I want to have food appear at my very mention of being hungry. I want to sleep until I wake up all of my own accord.

I love my husband and son more than anything but I swear, if I don’t get some time 100% on my own soon…I’m going to loose my mind. Everyone needs that time to switch off. To recharge. To be selfish. I honestly can’t remember the last time I 100% did that. No one to think about. No one to answer to. Nothing to plan or decide. 

How many of you have actually done this? We take on so many roles in life and the responsibility to ourselves gets pushed way down the list. We never say no to anything and we add to our plate until it looks like a Sunday at a Toby Carvery (oh how I miss this place…just can’t get a good roast in NZ. Another of my adulting problems)! 

       I can’t even be all…right today’s the day. Me                                   time here we go.

I have paperwork, planning, report writing, the Little Man, the husband, the house, the car….and a million and 1 other things that if I don’t do today will be twice as hard to do tomorrow. 

So I’m going to bitch and moan to you and then do nothing differently…today. 

But I will…soon! 

…maybe