… I act ‘mumconsciously’!

the beautified clothing

Today I am declaring myself an uber-hip, Google worthy creative genius! I am claiming a whole new space in the dictionary for my newly minted word…

mumconscious

How did I stumble across this stroke of brilliance, you might ask? Well… as I wiped the biggest snail trail of snot from the Little Man’s nose with my bare hands, I looked down and wondered what had happened to my life…

I battened down my gag reflex and got to thinking about the train of events that happened to get me to that point. Excluding the obvious life changing moment, the descent that led me to standing there staring at the blob of snot resting in my palm, was slow and (clearly) unnoticed. The scariest thing though, the more I thought on it, I quickly realised that this wasn’t the only thing I’d ‘mumconsciously‘ done!

A flashback movie played in my mind of scooping poop out of the bath (whilst I was in it), sniffing my son’s bottom in public, wiping food of my son’s chin and licking of my own damn finger! It wasn’t all mind-blowingly gross stuff though. I also recalled things I’d done to keep my son safe and the 1000 things I do everyday to show him I love him, so that was reassuring.

So, there it is. My piece of stunning parenting, summed up in one word…

‘mumconscious’

adjective:

to do, without thinking, the million unspeakably disgusting, beautifully touching and remarkably sensible things that come hand in hand with the best job in the world.

Being a mum ❤

…we stand together 

My heart breaks as I watch and read the heart breaking news of yet another evil attack so close to my home town. Manchester is my home. I grew up in those places that are now being shown as scenes of horror.  
Family and friends have been sharing condolences and disbelief on social media and I feel like I want to add my voice. Not for ‘likes’ or ‘shares’ but to show defiance. To show solidarity with my home so far away. 

I may only be one person. How much difference can I make, can we all make? We are all only one person. But if we each stand up for each other. If we do not turn on each other. If we do not allow the acts of the few to destroy the lives of the many, they will not win.

I know the kind of world that my son will grow up in. It is frightening at times. It’s a world where people do the cruelest things to each other. A world that can be overwhelming.

But…

It’s also a world where communities unite. Where stories of acts of kindness are seen in the aftermath of these terrifying events. Where diversity of race, religion and social background is not seen as something to be scared of, but is embraced and celebrated.

I hope he grows up in a world where we stand together.

That’s the most powerful thing we can do. 


(Image by the Wheatfield found on Etsy)

…learn to be who you are, choose for yourself

Watching Ellen last week (yes, being a stay at home mum has its perks 😉) I hadn’t realised the path that had brought her to where she is. It was unbelievable to me that she faced such immense hatred, to the point she lost her entire career. 

Scarier still is that, whilst amazing leaps have been made in accepting and supporting the LGBT community, we are still in a world that does not accept people for who they are. There are still so many people, from all walks of life, who feel they have to hide parts of themselves and conform to the socially acceptable view. 

It’s very easy to say…be who you are, choose for yourself. So much harder to actually do it and even harder still to empower others to do so. 

As a mum…how do I instill that in my child so that he actually believes it and values it in himself and others? Some might say that’s it’s as simple as just showing them that you are true to yourself…but, some days, I don’t even know who I am! 

Being a role model certainly plays it’s part but I’m only going to be one of the sole influences in his life for a very short period of time. There will come a point when he will look to his friends and even celebrities for guidance! 

I wonder if it’s not just about showing our children the certain, confident parts of ourselves. Is it also about showing the ugly sides too? Admitting we are still learning about ourselves? Owning up to mistakes and uncertainty in our lives? Giving them space to see that we are trying to accept who we are in that moment…warts and all? 

Who knows, I could be the greatest role model for being true to yourself and he still might go off and pick a bloody celebrity to hero worship! Fingers crossed for David Beckham 😉 

…making friends is hard!

• Student council tips •

At a Mum and Baby pamper morning for Mother’s Day (hint, hint husband…Mother’s day THIS Sunday) today, while the kids enjoyed their floor picnic, my friend and I got to setting the world to rights. We ended up reflecting upon how we met and how nervous we felt at making the first move.

She referred to it (I’m sure she won’t mind me stealing her words) as ‘putting my big girl pants on’. She summed it up perfectly! You’ve got to be brave to make friends. You’ve got to put yourself ‘out there’ to make a connection. I know, as a teacher, I’ve been guilty in the past of telling kids who are struggling to make friends to ‘just join in’, ‘just say hi’ without actually considering about difficult that is!

It’s not just about being shy. I’m not shy at all but I still found making new friends post-baby ridiculously awkward and it took me way out of my comfort zone. I feel like it’s more to do with wanting to be accepted. About not being dismissed. At a truly raw moment in your life, you are just a girl, standing in front of a boy…asking him to love her…

Oh shit, sorry…wrong film 😉

What was I saying?

At a truly raw moment you are literally asking someone to judge you…do they think I’m worth getting to know? When you are already feeling vulnerable with your post-baby hang ups, hormones dragging you all over the place and judgements coming at you from all angles, you are exposing yourself even further!

The other side of this whole new world coin is that with every new friend you make, there will be those who don’t make it past Judge’s Houses. Maybe they didn’t turn out to be who you thought (can be devastating) or you just didn’t have as much in common (can just get awkward). This part of making friends requires just as much bravery to deal with, often more.

I’m lucky. Everyone I’ve met since having my little boy have been beautiful people. Maybe I don’t see them a lot for one reason or another, but every one has given me something, taught me something, shown me something in myself and supported me and my son. Hopefully, I’ve done the same for them!

So yes, making friends is hard…

but so worth it ❤

…toddlers push you to your limits, then they pick a favourite over you! 

So…clearly my toddler has chosen a favourite parent and, news flash, it isn’t me! 

Everything I try to do for him, 9 times out of 10, is a battle. The Husband tries and no problems. I’m having a bad day with him, the Husband comes home and the Little Man acts like he’s been sweetness and light all day! 

Is it that he’s chosen a favourite? Am I doing something wrong? He is just a better parent than me? Do other parents have this same thing going on? 

Maybe he’s just calmer than me? I must admit, between sleep deprivation, separation anxiety (more mine than his with me going back to work) and feeling inferior, my patience is running low and my frustration levels are stratospheric! I’m being mentally and emotional pushed to my limits. I hate being pushed! 

I just can’t seem to get it right for him at the minute. I’m probably over reacting due to aforementioned craze-inducing situation but I feel like I’m not needed. Almost like I’m in the way. 

So…rather than deal with it like a grown up and talk it over and let my Husband tell me ‘of course we need you’ and ‘why don’t you go take a bath and relax, here’s a delicious glass of wine’, I’m sulking in the bathroom! 

Very mature! 

Actually, the glass of wine does sound good…

Maybe I’ll go sulk in the kitchen!