Today I woke up to a message I knew was coming but nevertheless both terrified me and excited me at the same time.
It’s time for Mamma to go back to work!
It’s a question I’m sure every parent gets…’when are you going back to work?’ Had you asked me (even when I was pregnant) what my work plans were when I became a mum, I would’ve said, ‘no change for me…I love my job, get me back on that career path!’. Don’t get me wrong, I still absolutely love my job. Being a teacher is part of who I am. Nothing better than a top notch laminator and brand new stationary! However, becoming a mum changed me far beyond my expectations.
By the time I had got to the end of my morning message I had felt excitement, purpose, relief, fear, sadness, nostalgia and guilt! How does one person deal with all those emotions in 5 minutes! You feel guilty because you want to go back to work, you feel guilty because you don’t. You feel relief and you can practically hear your bank account cheer at the prospect of a second income! The excitement and new sense of purpose hits, then you feel abject terror; what if you can’t do it anymore!
Worst for me is the nostalgia.
I watched my Little Man happily munching away on his toast and felt grief for the baby he no longer was and amazement at the boy he has become. A sense of mourning that the bubble of maternity leave has popped. That those precious early days, when our newly made family would shut out the world and completely dissolve into ourselves, were over.
When all is considered though, it’s the right time. He is so ready for nursery; to be off exploring the world and making new friends. I’m lucky to have had so much time with him! Honestly, it’s the right choice for me too. One day, my children will be grown up and gone but I will still want to excel in my career as well as as a parent.
When the day comes and I get dressed knowing that, for the first time in a long time, I won’t finish the day covered in squashed banana and other suspicious stains, (well, hopefully, I do teach 5 year olds) we will both be fine but still…today I’m going to give him a few extra cuddles and shut the world out just a bit longer ❤
In the words of the great Dr Seuss: