…changes are coming!

A big change is coming to our house…the boy is wanting ‘real’ food!

Of all things that I thought would bother me, this was not one of them. Turns out I was wrong! For some reason the idea has had me in tears; wishing I hadn’t taken for granted all those times when only I could give him what he needed. It seemed to me to be the first step he will take away from me.

After keeping this bottled up, I finally talked things over with my mum. Tears shed and ramble listened to, she offered what is known in our house as ‘what the wise woman would think’. She would think, ‘Yes, my baby is growing up and something new is happening; but this is good, this is exciting and it means I am doing my job right’!

Ok so yes, my baby boy is no longer the tiny bundle who relies on me for everything. He is growing and changing; amazing us every day. He is becoming more independent and there will be bigger changes and challenges ahead (one day he might even want to emigrate and I won’t have a leg to stand on). How he deals with these changes, big or small, will be a reflection of how we have raised him.

So, onto solids we will go and I will try to remember what the ‘Wise Woman’ would do!

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…body hang ups suck!

So today was my baby’s first swimming lesson. It was awesome, he was fantastic and the staff at Northern Arena @ Silverdale absolutely rocked

but…

as I was getting the mountain of stuff ready to get myself and the boy there, my thoughts weren’t of ‘yay, can’t wait to see my baby swim’; but ‘oh s*&t, I have to get my body out!’ I spent longer than could safely be called sane trying different combos of swim wear, assessing which would suck me in to an acceptable standard, criticising every aspect of my body in the poorly lit bathroom.

Guess what, when I got there…

nobody gave a crap!

If I were among parents who had done the exact same thing or if they were amazingly body confident, you wouldn’t have known. Every parent there was so wrapped up in the joy of seeing their tiny creations splashing and laughing, that body hang ups disappeared. Just as it should! For that hour, I completely forgot that every day I poke at my belly, squash my hips and weigh myself!

As I sat down to write this, I did a quick google to find the quotes about our stretch marks being a sign of our amazing journey into mother hood and our bodies being the safe 1st home of our precious tiny ones. I saw the same picture of a woman with impeccably flat abs, a few stretch marks and a really positive body image quote right next to the same image with an advert for stretch mark removal and weight loss plastered across it! So many contradictions across just 2 images! Recently my niece was part of 100 girls asked to share their insecurities. At least 90% of these centred around being ‘too fat’/’too skinny’. As women growing up completely surrounded by negative and conflicting media messages, how are we supposed to feel confident amid such a huge changes during pregnancy and motherhood.

All the positive self image quotes in the world will do no good until you really believe in yourself and their message. No way am I cured of my body hang ups. I know I will still be on the scales tomorrow, picking my body apart. But I will try to remind myself of what my body has done for me and I will listen to my husband who tells me I’m beautiful. Eventually, the positive will start to chip away at the negative and I will start believing in those messages. Maybe every day will be like that hour at the pool! 

 

 

 

 

…what works today, may not work tomorrow! 

So, new lesson for today…do not get attached to a situation! 

My bubba  has now decided that our lovely, calm bedtime routine will not be followed by actual sleep! This routine has worked beautifully for weeks now and we are normally treated to a full nights sleep. Apparently,  no more!

I took this to heart tonight and my poor husband was caught in the crossfire of my frustration. Frustration with the experience, with the baby, with myself for being upset with the baby, with him for playing video games while I was taking care of them both. Crappy evening!  

In a recent post I advocated giving yourself a break, step back. I did not take my own advice (surprise,  surprise). Why was I trying so hard to keep going when it was clear the situation was not going to get better that way? I had become too attached to my ‘routine’ (a banned word in our house). 

Tomorrow we will do the same as we always do; but if it doesn’t work, a different path we will take. No guilt, no recriminations…just another night with a baby who likes to keep us on our toes 😉 

…we have to forgive ourselves

Watching my baby sleep now, I know I will forgive him anything, including the 5 times he had me up last night 😉 However, at the time, I was thinking ‘f@#*s sake not again!’

When your deep in the middle of something (nightfeeds/screaming fits/housework/arguments) it is so easy to turn on yourself, we are our own worst enemy at times! It’s only when it’s over that we can see, actually,  we are doing our best and all things shall pass.

I know it’s easy to say, and I’m not saying I can do this either, but try to step back from the chaos and forgive yourself. Get off your own case and appreciate you are doing your best. Right now it might not feel great but it won’t last forever.

 

…it can be hard to trust yourself

It’s dark out. You hear your baby cry and squirm in their sleep. As you sit feeding your baby for what may be the 1st, 4th or 5th time that night, the little voice in your head starts to wake up.

What’s the plan today? I must remember to do…! I wonder if…? 

Am I doing the right thing?

Parenthood is full of choices and advice (wanted or not). I hear a lot of surprised comments when I say we have chosen to maintain an ‘on-demand’ style with our baby. ‘Oh babies need a strict routine’, ‘how does he know what’s going on’, ‘he will be very fussy as he grows up’ are just some of the useful things I am repeatedly told!

Don’t get me wrong, 99% of the time, I am completely comfortable with my choices. My baby is happy and healthy, what more can I ask? Still though, the last question constantly goes round and round my head in those quiet moments in the dark!

Why do we doubt, ignore or question or instinct as parents?

Has society conditioned us to think we NEED books/internet/professionals to tell us what to do? For some these things help but for others it confuses. For me, they made me spiral into fogs where I doubted everything I was doing and felt like a terrible mum.

Instinct is at the core of everything,  which books you turn to, the advice you take, the choices you stick with. But there will always be those quiet moments where the little voice rises up but remember your instinct as a parent is your most important tool, don’t drown it out or dismiss it.